"The Best of the Worst"

One of the best things about being home in Minnesota (other than simply being home), is the opportunity to go to our "home" church at the church we were married. Since being in the Jacksonville area, we have been searching for a church with not only an incredible pastor but congregation as well. Although, we have a church here in Jax that we attend regularly, it still doesn't have the same "vibe" as the church at home and sometimes leaves wondering what is lacking. I suspect, though, that it will be very nearly impossible to find a church that we enjoy attending and bringing our children to as much as Good Sam (our church).

While I was home in MN, I was able to attend two Sundays worth of sermons. Both were incredibly rich and have left a spiritual and intellectual imprint on me. Good Sam is currently in transition and has been hosting guest pastors until the new pastor arrives later in the Spring. I was lucky enough to hear retired Rev. Neilsen speak on the first Sunday.

The sermon was entitled, "The Best of the Worst." At the heart of his talk was about the different types of losses that an individual can experience. That one of the greatest losses you can have is the loss of a loved one. He goes on to share that his greatest loss was the loss of his daughter when she was just 45 days shy of her first birthday. He was devastated and for a long time, unable to function.

He remembers people telling him that God simply needed another little angel. Umph. He refused to believe that and was angry at God for taking her away from him and his wife. A few months later he performed a funeral for a woman who left behind four little girls and a grieving husband. It was a young family and as a result of the loss, ended up having to move out-of-state. Unfortunately, he did not know the woman or the family very well at the time of the funeral services.

Several years pass. One night, he went to bed and had a dream. He dreamt that this woman was sitting in a rocking chair, rocking his little girl. When he woke up the next morning, he understood that God was still with him, despite all the emotions that he had about God. God was taking care of his little girl: a child without her mother...a mother without her child. They have each other.  Excited, he went downstairs the next morning and said to his wife, "Honey, I had this most incredible dream and I have to tell you about it."

His wife said,
"Me, too. But I have to tell you about mine first. Do you remember that woman's funeral a few years back? With the four little girls? Well, I dreamt she was sitting in a rocking chair holding our daughter, rocking her."

Wow. And it was then that he realized that we all simply want to protect our children and do what is best for them.  It was a poignant and moving sermon for me because it put into words why I do what I do for Audriana, Haakon and Dash-3. My choice to stay at home with my children has been a difficult decision for me to explain because I have always thought that I would put my kids in daycare so that I could make use of my law degree. But when it actually came time to make the decision, I realized that the chance to do what was best for my children was right in front of me. So took it and ran.

There comes a point in our lives when we realize that what what is best for us, or in my case, my children, is not necessarily what we had planned it to be.  After all, before I had children, I believed that it would be best for them if I was able to leave them in the care of others so that we could be a dual income family and be financially comfortable and worry-free.  But when it came time to make that decision, my belief had changed and financial security no longer trumped the sacred time with my children in their infancy and toddlerhood.*

Recently, a person very close and dear to my heart, received some rather unexpected medical news. Although his condition is not currently curable, it is very much a treatable one.  The news has left me utterly surprised and in disbelief...so I can only imagine how this news must be shaking up him up (though, he's pretty good about putting up a strong front).  The point is, it isn't always obvious what life has in store for us and we don't know what is always best for us (or those we love) until we can take a step back and look at the whole picture rather than simply concentrating on the one or two pixels of the image.  The little mistakes and imperfections of the picture is what makes the picture what it is.  We are works of arts in progress.  And although the ability to take that step back to look at the art isn't always immediate or as fast as we would like, its always worth making the effort to simply savor the work.

I guess Forest Gump wasn't too far off the mark when he said that life was like a box of chocolates.  You really never know what you are gonna get....


*This is in no way, shape or form to criticize moms who have made the decision to go back to work (because it is a pain-staking and heart-wrenching decision for nearly all of moms).